Welcome to a veterinarian's crazy town - DVM
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Welcome to a veterinarian's crazy town
Population: My veterinary clients.


DVM360 MAGAZINE


I was on vacation last year when I ran into Dr. Skeptic. He recognized my name and had an important question for me. "How do you think up all those crazy things you write about?" he asked.


ILLUSTRATION BY RYAN OSTRANDER
I was shocked. He thought I invented my subject matter? Crazy things happen to me all the time. I expect it. Why? Because I'm a veterinarian, and veterinarians tread water in a sea of buffoonery.

I said as much to Dr. Skeptic, but he didn't agree. He said such things were not commonplace where he practiced. Really? Where was this guy from? The only state I know of where veterinary practice is uneventful is the state of unconsciousness.

Dr. Skeptic, however, seemed very much awake. I was perplexed by his description of an orderly world, but all I could do was assure him that my column was like the Dragnet television series—the incidents were true, but the names had been changed to protect the innocent.

Case in point: Mrs. Parsley and her cat, Goldy.

"Doctor, my poor kitty has been ailing for a month," Mrs. Parsley told me not long ago. I've been doctoring him at home, but it isn't working. He gets sick a lot, and I can't afford to run over here like this all the time."

A glance at the record indicated that I had indeed seen the cat several times. Three visits since 2004, to be exact. Her history proceeded.

"Last month he threw up once. I dipped his feet in yogurt right away. I heard that would stop any poison if it got into him somehow. It must have worked, because he stopped vomiting the next day. But ever since then, he hardly eats. I make his food at home. It's a combination of alfalfa sprouts, tofu and vitamin C."


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Source: DVM360 MAGAZINE,
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