A cowboy lay sprawled across three seats in the center of the auditorium in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher noticed,
he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched back up the aisle, returning with the manager. Together they tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with
no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation and asked, "All right, buddy, what's you're
name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where are you from, Sam?" With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a tall cowboy walked in and
said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy
looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver appeared to be dying from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger
gave the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto,
I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to cool his body temperature."
Tonto said, "Sure thing, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the
Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and asked, "Who
owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood again and claimed, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The
cowboy looked him in the eye and said, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin.' "
A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was put out the cat. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked
out of the house, the cat shot back in. So the husband went back inside to chase it out. The wife, not wanting it known that
the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes
later, the husband got into the taxi and said, "Sorry I took so long, the stupid thing was hiding under the bed and I had
to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your
husband will surely die. Now, here is my recommendation. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be sure to be pleasant
at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with
chores. Don't discuss your own problems in front of him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly,
wear your most seductive clothing and make love with him as often as he shows the desire. If you can do this for the next
10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife,
"What did the doctor say?" "Well, she said, "to make a long story short, he told me in unequivocal terms, you're going to