Finally, he realizes he must sustain this great life and wishes he would never have to work. Poof! He's back at the office.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry gentlemen,
only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the
cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A woman has twins, and she gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other
goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
"They're twins," he exclaims. "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
A hungry newborn collie was lost in the Castle Lane neighborhood and was seen eating watermelons in a neighbor's garden. He
quickly developed the reputation of being a little melancholy.
What do you think is sometimes recommended for repair of a broken heart? Ticker tape!
Once a friend bought a secondhand watch without a second hand. When I asked him if he had a second, he said, "Just a minute."
Two hunters are roaming the woods, when all of a sudden one of them grabs his chest and dies. The other hunter calls 911 and
tells the operator, "My friend just grabbed his chest and died!"
"OK, OK, calm down," replies the operator. "Go over to him and first make sure that he's actually dead."
"OK, I can do that," says the hunter.
The phone goes silent. Then a sudden bang from a gun is heard. "OK," says the hunter. "Now what?"
Harry starts his new job at the zoo, and he is given three tasks. The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. Harry
starts on this, when suddenly, a great fish leaps out and bites him. Harry is not going to let a fish go, so he beats the
offending fish to death.
Upon doing so he realizes that his boss is not going to be pleased. So Harry tries to think of a way to hide the dead fish.
He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions. Why? Because lions will eat anything containing protein. So
Harry feeds the fish to the lions.
Harry then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey house. Harry gets stuck in some fencing used to restrain
the monkeys, and a couple of chimps start throwing dung at him. Harry is not amused and bashes the chimps with his spade,
killing them instantly.
Harry is concerned about what his boss will think, so what does he do? Yes, he feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions
eat anything containing protein.
Next, Harry moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from some South American killer bees. Harry starts on this
and gets attacked by the bees. As you might predict, Harry mashes the swarm of bees. At this point, he isn't too worried about
the death of the bees, as he knows what to do.
Later that day, a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and asks, "What's the food like here?"
The other lion responds, "ABSOLUTELY GREAT! Today I had fish and chimps sautéed in mushed honey bees!"
Dr. Osborne, a diplomate of the American College of Veterinary Internal Medicine, is professor of medicine in the Department of Small
Animal Clinical Sciences, College of Veterinary Medicine, University of Minnesota.