While marveling that the cat had managed to live this long, I asked about his vaccinations.
"Oh, I don't believe in shots," she said. "I once had a cat who had a distemperment shot and got real sick a few months later."
I explained that Goldy appeared to be jaundiced and would have to stay for a few tests.
"Well, I guess that will be all right," she said. "I'll have my son call you. He's a doctor."
I perceived a light at the end of the tunnel. This woman had an intelligent family member I could talk to! A few hours later he called me.
"Hello, Dr. Obenski? This is Dr. Parsley. My mom explained that you're going to do some tests on her cat. Will you make the
diagnosis by looking at the blood or will you run tests that use chemicals? I don't trust those so-called scientific tests."
The light at the end of the tunnel was growing dim.
"In humans we use 'organ builders' in this type of situation. There are certain 'vita-herba-cures' that can be given to strengthen
all the internal organs."
It was a cave-in.
All of a sudden I realized who I was talking to. According to his newspaper ads, "The Great Dr. Parsley" could cure anything
with "spirit healing, elixir of health, positive thoughts and magnet consciousness." He was in my office the next day with
a bottle of "organ builders" for the cat. The fun began when I asked him about the dosage.
"I figured we'd use a surrogate," he said. "I mean, why not? We use them with humans all the time."
He introduced a strange-looking lady who put her hand on the cat's head. Dr. Parsley held the lady's hand and explained that
her "special gifts" would analyze the cat and transfer the information to him through her pulse. A moment later he had his
answer. Taking an empty dropper bottle from his pocket, he proceeded to fill it with tap water. Then, after adding a few drops
of some gooey liquid, he announced that the cat needed "exactly three drops a couple of times a day."
Fortunately, the cat went home a few days later. I had treated it for infectious anemia along with the administration of the
miracle drops. You can guess which treatment got credit for the cure.
The story you just read is true. The names, however, have been changed to protect the ignorant.
Dr. Michael Obenski owns Allentown Clinic forCats in Allentown, Pa.