The healing power of laughter continues
Thank you for your cards and letters encouraging a third installment concerning this topic. This column contains more humorous stories, the intent of which is to make you laugh. Especially during these difficult economic times, we mustn't take ourselves too seriously. If this column causes you to smile, please pass it on to a colleague or member of the veterinary healthcare team in your clinic or hospital. And please consider brightening my day by e-mailing one of your favorite jokes or humorous stories.
A door-to-door vacuum-cleaner salesman managed to bully his way into an elderly woman's home in the backwoods of Minnesota. "This machine is the best ever!" he exclaimed, while pouring a bag of dirt over the carpet.The woman responded that she was really worried it may not all come up, so the salesman said, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dirt completely, I'll lick it off myself."
"Let me get you some ketchup," she said, turning toward the kitchen.
"That's no problem, ma'am. This beauty can suck up ketchup in a blink!" the salesman crowed proudly.
"Oh, it's not to vacuum, it's to help you. We're not connected to electricity yet."
In the bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side by side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started to scrub his hands and arms up to his elbows. He used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, and they taught us to be sanitary."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from Cornell, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up, and as he was walking out the door, he said, "I graduated from Texas A&M, and they taught us not to pee on our hands."
A new business was opening, and one of the owner's friends sent him flowers for the occasion. The bouquet arrived at the new business site, but the card read, "Rest in peace."
The owner was a bit dismayed and called the florist to complain. After he told the florist about the obvious mistake and how disappointed he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: Somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, 'Congratulations on your new location!'"
A federal office worker finds a lamp in an old file drawer. He examines it and rubs off some grime, and a genie pops out. For his first of three traditional wishes, he wants to be on a beautiful deserted island. Poof! There he is.
Next, of course, he wants gorgeous babes. Poof! There they are.